The closet case who angrily shoulders the mantle of gay-hater is kind of an ancient stereotype. It’s such an old joke you half-expect it to be disproven one day. Today, however, we’ve learned of not one but two gay scandals, a half-world apart, both involving members of institutions that have historically been decidedly unfriendly to homosexuals. No, hell, who are we kidding? The Vatican and Republicans pretty much just hate teh gheyz.
First we learned here in the U.S. of A. of the misadventures of California State Senator Roy Ashburn. Ashburn is a Republican father of four with the usual expected history of being against anything that might let California gays live some semblance of a normal life. In a delightful turn of events, Ashburn was arrested in Sacramento early Wednesday morning after leaving a Faces – a gay nightspot. To make the situation just that much more ironic, Ashburn had a passenger in his state-issued Chevy Tahoe at the time of arrest – an unidentified male.
Over yonder across the pond in that tiny little town called the Vatican, a Gentleman of His Holiness was snagged by police wiretap negotiating with a member of a Vatican chorus to have men brought to him. Angelo Balducci, a member of the Papal Gentlemen, ceremonal ushers in the pope’s residence, was caught discussing his desire for “completely active” men, preferably in the 6 foot range. Balducci was trying to arrange his assignations through Thomas Ehiem, a Nigerian-born Vatican chorister. As far back as 2008, Ehiem allegedly was funneling men to Balducci. Conquests supposedly included a male model, rugby star and “two black Cuban lads.”
While Angelo Balducci’s double-entendre heavy title (seriously, “Gentlemen of His Holiness??”) as well as his proximity to the pope make the revelations about his proclivities for rent boys pretty fun to chew on, Roy Ashburn hasn’t just been opposed to gay rights measures; he has also been on-board with teabaggers since at least 2003. That’s right – California has had its own Tea Party since at least 2003 and Ashburn was there from the beginning, donating tea bags for protests and hosting a rally in Barstow with other state legislators in April of ‘03.
The Vatican, which like Republicans doesn’t condemn homosexuality in a straightforward way, preferring to indulge in rhetoric about gays being disordered or unnatural, has yet to comment on the scandal. Republicans haven’t said much either, but they’re probably going to stay true to form and try and make themselves or State Senator Ashburn look like some sort of victim.
And in a way, he and Angelo Balducci are both victims. Imagine a noir movie about the evils of licentious behavior: Mr. Ashburn is huddled sweating and pained over his steering wheel, in black and white, of course, as the police approach his vehicle. He is tearing up as he sees it all crashing down around him. The music is thrumming, thrusting in the background as the camera pans over to reveal the Cheshire smile of his male companion and the tortured creepy-font white letters burst onto the screen to proclaim the truth: Roy Ashburn, you are truly a victim of THE LOVE THAT DARE NOT SPEAK ITS NAME.
As long as anyone who sees eye to eye with Roy Ashburn’s politics has a say, anyway.