If I Ever Lose My Faith in Douche

Sting enjoys saving the environment. Which leads to the question – since when does a tyrannical dictator who is to Human Rights what Tiger Woods is to monogamy count as “the environment?” According to UK’s The Guardian, Sting accepted over one million pounds to perform for the daughter of Uzbekistan’s Islam Karimov, the dictator who has long enjoyed his own personal fields of gold while enslaving children, torturing his citizens, and even boiling his enemies. But in Sting’s defense, all those lutes won’t pay for themselves, right? I mean…wait. Boiling his enemies? Sting. Seriously. At least pretend to give a shit. Or have all those seven-hour orgasms finally made you too tired to care?

Because as bad as the father is, the daughter – Sting’s host – is right there with him.

Sting’s actual host, Islam’s daughter Gulnora, was named last year by Foreign Policy Magazine as one of the World’s Worst Daughters for actions like deporting 24 of her ex-husband’s relatives to Afghanistan at gunpoint (and imprisoning three others), and dealing with competitors to her tea businesses by sending “hooded men with machine guns” to “liquidate their holdings.” (And while we have no proof, it’s entirely possible that “holdings” means “intestines.”) But Sting’s interest makes perfect sense. After all, the lovely Ginora is a fellow musician, recording the video below in 2006 under the name GooGoosha – her father’s “pet name” for her. No word on if GooGoosha means “little piranha” in Uzbeki.